She writes of Love (edited)

She writes of love and tortured souls

until her fingertips run red,

within her feeble sickle scrolls

her un-cried tears are all but lead.

 

 

Until her fingertips run red

and eyes burn from the scathing words

within those tortured sickle scrolls,

no more than crumbs fed to the birds.

 

 

Her eyes burn from the scathing words

her works unfinished, full of holes

disjointed harmony in thirds

cacophony of no control.

 

 

Her works unfinished full of holes

tortured burning sickled scrolls,

cacophony of no control

she writes of love and tortured souls.

 

 

Edited version of the Pantoum for Gay Raiser Cannon’s form for all discussion on D’verse tonight.

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22 responses to “She writes of Love (edited)

  1. Wonderfully realized, Shan. Remember when you didn’t like this stuff. Now off your pen with ease! Your words though perfectly describe what it was like for me writing mine! Lol. Well done.

  2. Lady…this is why I love you! I had a terrible time trying to make my repeating lines make since…yours are all incredibly spot on. Your language, as always, is spellbinding! (Yes…I am envious, but at least I can admit it) And on an entirely separate subject…I love the hippie pic! I am giving a standing ovation on this one…with my hair just a blowin’ ! 🙂

  3. I love the imagery of this one, and am (as I have said elsewhere) in complete awe of anyone who does the whole poetry form thing well! Standing ovation from Sweden on this one!

  4. Really nice job. I greatly enjoyed the Pantoum. the first lines have always been my favorite part of them as they cycle back later, and your’s is both tone setting and thought stirring. Thanks

  5. So, this flows nicely. This is my first time learning about and working with this form, but you seem to write it effortlessly. Favorite line,

    “she writes of love and tortured souls.”

  6. very nice shan, evocative write and feel her angst in the writing..sickle scrolls…smiles…cachophony of no control…nice touch too…very well done…and thanks for teaching me a thing or two in the reading…

  7. you ARE the Poet Laureate of poetry forms, Shân ~ you make it seem effortless but what’s most amazing is that you are able to convey the emotions of the poem. NO one i’ve read can do that so well as you! ♥

  8. Great form, and really a cool poem in itself, on that easiest most frequently mined of all subjects–yet still it produces.

  9. Shan, I love this!
    My only bump was in the rhythm of this verse:
    “until her fingertips run red,”
    Perhaps you can do something like:

    “till fingertips run holy red”

    Also remove “the” before scathing (S2L2) – it is not needed IHMO.

    Aida

  10. Wow and Ouch! I want to go stick plasters on the ends of my fingers and flood my eyes with Optrex. Liked the variation of the form. It suits very well. Great write! There will always be love and tortured souls… Better restock the first aid kit

Put me out of my misery people!

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