No looking back

When I was younger,
so much younger,
you know the kind of young that
means you resemble a boy
and can do stuff like, well
falling off a bike by riding it
a million miles an hour into potholes
breaking your arm,
you remember
that young.

Well, when I was that young
I had this stupid dream.
It’s one of those things I remember
now, now that I don’t
resemble a boy anymore.
Now that I’ve learned
riding a bike that quick
and falling down mountainsides
by trying to be quicker
than a boy in my class
and breaking my arm again,
isn’t clever, or funny, and plaster itches like a bitch after a week.

The dream itself now
has sepia edges, and little cracks
like the old photographs
my nan used to show me
of my family on distant continents
that I’d never heard of,
and sounded like somewhere dragons
would lay eggs and spawn baby dragons.
You know the sort.

But that stupid little dream
however long ago it was,
has kept me going,
made me feel warm and fuzzy
on nights when I wished tears
would just fuck off and leave me be
because exanguinated is just so last season.

That frayed and mottled thing
that got me through chicken pox
shingles
braces on my teeth
puberty
sex
heartache
more sex
more heartache…

I have it now,
In real life.

No one can take that away.

Prose poetry, which needs someone to read it 😀

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34 responses to “No looking back

  1. The dream itself now
    has sepia edges, and little cracks
    like the old photographs
    my nan used to show me

    Sounds like life to me, never mind free verse…♥

  2. I want to pluck line after line from his poem and hang then from my ceiling like poetic stars of the psyche…does that make sense in any way? that is the first thought when reading this…so, instead of working it into a comment…I offer my thought..thank you for this poem!

  3. Lovely open flow Shan – never considered you as a little boy but the image of flying over the handlebars has seen to that 🙂

  4. the last two long stanzas and the closing line make the poem for me shan, set up by the rest but it brought it forward from the ike riding for me…

    • i did not remember this one but obviously i read it before…we all need those dreams to get us through…if i get caught dreaming during sex and more sex it might get me in trouble though…smiles….lands of dragons, nice touch that…

      • I don’t know how yu read the volume of poetry that you get through babe let alone remember every poem you’ve read hehee. Yes gets me in trouble quite often too 😉 There are worse things to do to kill time!

  5. Lord, this is good Shan. Your images are doing my favorite thing in all of poetry–taking something specific and personal and making it a mirror for anyone to see their own experiences and feelings reflected. So easy to say, so hard to really do well, and you do it superbly here. Thanks for taking me back to a forgotten rollar skate crash and burn at the age of eight, and every exsanguination since.

  6. Heartache, pain and loss – builds the writer, but so does joy, hope, love, friendship, sunshine, pollyanna rainbows crossing the bed cast from prisms in windows. Thank God for the good times that see us through the bad. Your poem puts me in this mindset and today I needed it. Thanks dear Shan. Gay

  7. Shan…I’ve got to stop coming here! Each and every piece hits me like a boot to the head! (This, my friend, is a good thing!) I was the little girl with a buzzcut who played on the all boy softball team. Me, took the dare to go down the hill on roller skates, and still have the scars, but the boy never did give me the respect I deserved. And you know what…I still have the notebooks that I would run to to cry my heart out, because I was too emabrassed to say it out loud….still working on that part! Loved it….touched me heart with this one, and spawned a few inspirational memories as well 🙂 AWESOME! AWESOME! AWESOME!

  8. i think “prose poetry” is a contradiction in terms. i prefer “narrative poetry”, or, i should say, fireblossom does. 😉

    as hedgy said, there is so much here. i love the dragons, and telling tears to fuck off. i really like this.

  9. Oh life lessons in all its foibles. Whether healing a broken bone or a broken heart, some lessons are destined to be repeated (often several times) before it is truly learned. Excellent write!

  10. “I have it now,
    In real life.”

    i like that {and you know why} ~

    “because exanguinated is just so last season”

    that made me laugh out loud!

    Love this, Shân! Love you! ♥

  11. oh those dreams carry us through even if they collect cracks and sepia edges over the years…love the conversational tone in this…like telling a good friend the story of your life…good stuff shan

  12. I cannot believe you broke your arm not once but, twice! It’s good to hold onto our dreams. Very vivid imagery all through this.
    A good read, thanks.

  13. on nights when I wished tears
    would just fuck off and leave me be
    because exanguinated is just so last season.

    Best lines ever!….very cool poem.

    Quite inspirational actually- because we have dreams as kids, then the real world kicks our asses…but it doesn’t mean that dreams have to die…i sometimes think that we think our dreams are unattainable because ‘others’ have to validate them – but that’s just not the case….very much enjoyed this

    • dreams never die Stu, they adapt 🙂 Getting divorced was the kick in the butt for me to get on and live mine. Wouldn’t change a thing though x Thanks so much for popping by again.

  14. This was intriguing to me…I still wonder about the dream but maybe I’m thick! 🙂 I so enjoy your conversational style and many uniquely spun lines!! Excellent writing and take on the prompt of work!! 🙂

  15. Another step back in time. Very kool write. Been reading Stephen Kings latest involving time travel. Anyway, seems like a lot of us going back in time. I like this very much. I wanted someting different as a kid, had a dream like you write here, but it wasn’t my dad’s. I still sneak out on weekends and play guitar, but I have to earn my living more traditional. It is what I let it be. Thanks for the reminder 🙂 great piece.

  16. my favorite part was:

    That frayed and mottled thing
    that got me through chicken pox
    shingles
    braces on my teeth
    puberty
    sex
    heartache
    more sex
    more heartache…

    {it’s almost a poem in an of itself.}

    Sonnet 24

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