Falling

she promised once to never give her heart
until a special person came along,
and until then she’d trust in her two feet
and love the earth beneath them with each step.
So many faces greeted her with warmth
until she stopped a while with one, who seemed
somehow different to ones who’d passed her by
He came and forced her feet towards the ledge
“take now my hand, together we will jump”
but she looked out upon that precipice
and pushed him over with a steely kiss
“you’re not the one!” she whispered as he fell
his face a myraid of shock and shame
for in that time she’d walked her paths alone
she’d learned that what was in her heart was “home”.

I’m sure I have a few sneaky end rhymes in here…Sorry Gay, but you can take it to bits 😉

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23 responses to “Falling

  1. Hi Shan…yes and for love of Rhyme or Rime however you spell it; we will look at Rime next week. Oldtimers (like last century or before) had a bunch of rime rules…it’ll be fun to look at them.

    Well you have a couplepf them and I have to admit I had to sort of work them out of my piece as well. When I’m counting syllables and stresses, rhyme just seem to pop into my head. I think this whole piece scanned as iambic pent except I was stopped by “somehow different” and that doesn’t scan or work rhythmically but I though hold on I’ll read it a couple of more times. I decided at the end while it’s not continuing the same meter, it probably really shouldn’t. It’s really kind of genius, in fact, to break the meter there at the “apex” so to speak of the poem when the narrator realizes…uh “not the one”. So I certainly wouldn’t change it as it works in the piece you wrote here which is all in all pretty clever and has personal truth at the same time as being witty.

  2. Liked it – kinda has a mythology feel

    Wanted to again congratulate you for your recent award. I appreciate you for your excellent writing and your willingness to mentor others

    Hugs

  3. my, oh my, dear shan, I do so love the twisty turn 🙂 was so enjoying the story and to hit the curve at 90 miles an hour was so much fun 🙂

    Monty Wheeler

  4. sometimes the wrong ones come and go from our hearts to give us something that will bring us to the special one. no? maybe…

    i am honored to call the 2011 Poet Laureate my friend ~ you truly deserve the title, Shân. *BIG HUGS* ♥

  5. Shan, I admire the fact that you can write on a wide array of issues, themes, and emotions. You show courage and you have guts. Each time I read your blog I know that I will be reading something unique. I admire that about you. Another masterpiece.

  6. There is a great poem in here Shan but it could be improved. It ends too patly after the darkness of the middle and there are one or two “poetic archaisms” that would be better in blunt everyday language. Go with the dark heart of the poem more:) There is something darker and harder there and it’s worth mining it more. I hope you don’t mind me saying so.

Put me out of my misery people!

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