I told him I loved him once, a very long time ago.
He just sat on that derelict old stage with a pen and a jotter pad,
but I think he stopped writing.
The pencil stopped scribbling and scratching the paper, for the briefest of moments.
I wonder if he even heard me at all.
Flash 55 written for one stop poetry’s one shoot sunday. Artwork by Jacob Lucas
So sad… When an obsessive, creative type lives inside his head and misses the kind gestures of others. Emotionally stirring 55. (also very effective 1st-person narration)
I’ve met a few of these along the way, but I’ve also been here myself. 1st person was more poignant here I think. Wanted to make it personal x
nice Shan…and a 55 to boot!…he heard you
Peace, hp
when the art becomes the point, what have we lost?
Life…
yes, he heard you…I believe it is HE, that he can not hear
…and a 55 to boot !
Peace, hp
cheers hp, I don’t know if he did, I think I should have nudged him with my boot 😛
If you have to wonder…
I still do 😉
ouch! only a brief moment. hopefully not too many more.
hehee evil!
…yes.i must admit that this small piece packs a tyson punch.”…heard me at all.”i often have this thought flutter through my mind.wondering with reckless abandon if anyone cares about the musings of a crazy poet slash writer.thank you.
great write. I saw another ghost story. Not an focused indifferent male.
Great write, Shan
Thanks Sean! No not a ghost story from me, I like to tug at them ole heart strings!
I think he needed more than just a nudge with your boot! At least this brilliant little write was born out of the frustration, and the strength it must have took you to hold that boot back!
An artist to the core–but musicians are worse. They can’t hear at all over their instruments.
Thanks Joy!
Oh. I hope he heard you..
Thanks for the visit today.
Love this Shan 🙂
Thanks pierre x
Wow-able work, utterly frakking (Battlestar Galactica, anyone?) perfect work. The second piece that made me go ‘I wish I’d written that.’ (Said in a non-jealous way.)
{{blush}} ok I’m taken aback now, and speechless doesn’t happen here often! Cheers Steve!
I really like it because..it is so life like ..as if he did not even hear..and the show goes on…nice take..bkm
Can’t help it. Anyone remember Marjorie Morningstar? The artist – quite the seducer. Also something of Kerouac here. Well done. Shan.
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AMAZING 55, Shân! a wonderful take on the One Shoot! ♥ sorry i missed you on twitter/skype today. love you, girl ♥
The forlorn stage suggests that no, he didn’t hear you. Nice one.
Right to the heart my dear friend…this poem…FELT
Hmm I wonder …
always wanting more …
Thanks my friend – for everything
I love the emotion in this poem and the way the rhythm and words sound tripping off my tongue…
OH this smells really nice…I want the rest of the story!
The briefest of lines tell the most powerful stories. And yours does! I’m in absolute awe…
So LOVE this! Once an inspiration hits, an artist is consumed.
Ernest Hemmingway said you could tell a story in six words and proceeded to do it. I rarely see people really get that. They throw a few words together that say something but lack emotion which can be hard to evoke in such a small space. OK this isn’t exactly the same since it’s 55 words but still difficult to do and you pulled it off brilliantly. I think Hemmingway would be wow’d too. 🙂