punishment for honesty
fractional disillusionment
detached self from box
heart locked away
vascular benevolent

obscurity bidding for freedom
captive victim chained
by want-by love
sunsets never looked so Technicolor
when I was dying

tortuous questioning
S’pain from inquisition
I am Columbus
Let me sail

distal reinforcement
whirring of cogs
writing a shaky will
nothing to leave
for those I love
but words.

Written for one stop poetry’s one shot Wednesdays.


40 responses to “Unjust

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Unjust | Musings and Smatterings -- Topsy.com·

  2. likethe refrain of pounding throughout…drives a good beat…the stanza on columbus is tight…and at least you have words to leave, many will never pick up the pen…

  3. “sunsets never looked so Technicolor / when I was dying” Emotional torture will bring out the color. *sigh* The line that really got to me at the end was “writing a shaky will,” can picture handwriting as well as the implications of being bereft in terms of all but words.

  4. I like the colombus line, too. heart-broken, fractured mind, yet still we can write, however shakily…the heart and mind will die but never our words. Love this and can so relate (as always)

  5. Feel the ebbing away of life and the fight to retain it at the same time.

    Thanks for the One Shot tho no happy ending here.

  6. “tortuous questioning
    S’pain from inquisition
    I am Columbus
    Let me sail”
    I really like the way you slipped the word pain in there… and that desire to just be set free. Beautiful.

  7. Fractured= more pieces, more sides–these little images so short and abrupt give a sense of the mind hanging on like grim death and drifting at the same time. Fine writing, Shan. I like the last stanza best.

  8. I found this quite hard to read, due to my squeamishness, and your intensity, so well written Shan, about such a painful subject. Life ebbing away…I felt this and feel like crying ( a good thing) ‘nothing to leave for those I love but words’ gosh….

  9. Simple in progression yet, potent. The end – it is a strange time; what thoughts flutter before a person’s eyes as that great sleep descends? The refrain really pounds home feeling in this, and the stanzas really flow through emotion right down to the final stanza, which, I must say, is made all the more powerful by the sudden BREAKING of the repetition…nothing to leave but words, but hopefully, for those you love, it is enough…

  10. this gives me chills..the kind that don’t stop after one run over the body…

    the image, thoughts of blood, pounding…technicolor seen in the darkest moment…I feel this…Been close to this place, blessed I have not been THAT close.

    I am honored to read this piece…it is raw with authentic vulnerability…it is raw with LIFE…

    Merry One Shot to you!

  11. Much precision in your words, Shan. It builds in each stanza with the intensity you wanted. As the end nears the tension is heightened and the effect is thought provoking and powerful. I think this is an excellent piece. Kudos.
    Gay @beachanny

  12. Each stanza spoke of that semi-conscious dizzy state where everything and nothing seem real, at the same time!Where words, images and memories seem to coexist, making it all the more blurry…

    Aahhh.. well expressed here, are the confusion, despair and madness!
    Excellently written, Shân!

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