Self destruct

she used to be a sweet girl

walking to school with her plaits

and mary janes, what happened?

cariad, cariad

now she sits on park benches

sequentially musing in cider

sinking in apathy

cariad cariad

matted brown hair

cherry chipped nail varnish

obliterated tarnish

cariad cariad

dull recognition in eyes

walking precipice

in curves of disaster

cariad cariad

slumps at three am

to the tears of a mother

who looks older than her years

cariad cariad

tucking in the girl tenderly

returning to her melancholic memories

of gapped teeth and giggles



Cariad means “love”, and “loved one” in Welsh. I’ve added a reading for those of you who want to hear how the welsh line is read. I apologise in advace for sounding grotty!

care for a reading?

This is my entry for todays one shot wednesday over at one stop poetry

Where’s yours?


38 responses to “Self destruct

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Self destruct | Musings and Smatterings --·

    • Funny you should say that because there were more stanzas, but they were cut as it’s not about the girl, but about the play on the word love, in this context it’s the sadness of the mother that I was attempting to get accross. Thanks for reading as ever Randall x

  2. I have tears in my eyes…you sound so sad and yet so beautiful 🙂 I keep wondering how to keep it from happening to my daughter, too…ultimately we can’t. Just keep doing the best you can as will I. Lovely reading, S 😉

    • Hey lady…thanks for taking the time to visit! Mine is just entering the toothless stage at the moment and is very head strong for her age. It’s normal to feel helpless isn’t it? 😉

  3. The wear of life…it can certainly get you down, if you let it. No wonder so many escape to dreams and memories – there is a beauty to be found there that time just seems to beat out of so many. This one makes the heart ache.

  4. Painful and infused with that mother’s love. a song that never dies

    thanks for sharing with One Shot

  5. Ack… what a sad story, Shan!! And you read it our so beautifully…with feeling!
    It added a whole dimension to the poem… it felt like I watching a play being enacted on stage (with your voice in it)… and I kept hoping it was only a play… and no more…

    A very powerful piece!

  6. I didn’t take it as an end but as a stage..we all go through so many and for ourselves and our children we never know where the next step may take us or them, but I am always optimistic. Where there’s love, there also is hope. Beautiful to hear your voice, dear Shan. Gay @beachanny

  7. Shan you could have just said cariad over and over again for me and it would be poetry – one of my favourite words of all languages, I absolutely adore it – but to intersperse it with such a heart breaking description of this young girl’s demise and the sadness of her mother is really effective indeed.

    • I was trying to use both meanings of the word…the young girl lost because of “cariad” and then the shift to the mother loving the daughter irrospective. Glad you enjoyed hun Cariad i ti!

  8. Lovely piece and your reading brings it to life…like a slow dripping into self destruction…..very nice…bkm

  9. This is so well done! Love the repeating theme “cariad cariad” – a sad story with compelling images. Nice job! (And thanks for the nice comments on mine)

  10. What a beautiful poem and reading!

    First thing in the morning and I am in tears! I have a son in the Navy in a lot of financial trouble we understand and I am very, very angry. Right now your poem redirects my thoughts to his childhood, which was relatively ‘good’…and all I can hope for is ….continued love. From me.

    What Gay said here especially resonates with this angry mother.

    Beautiful poem, dear, and a sensitive reading.

    Lady Nyo

  11. a poem to touch every mother’s heart… especially mothers of daughters. your reading, as before, was breathtaking, Shân. acting lessons would only take away the honesty of emotions in your readings. you have a beautiful voice. amazing poem and stunning reading! ♥

  12. This is so beautiful and so sad and the imagery is so strong. I love your reading, and the word ‘cariad’ has stayed with me for two days- I didn’t have a chance to comment the other day but had to come back- haunting. x

  13. This is so sad and haunting. Lovely. With the Welsh word repeated, it reads like a song.

    Thank you for your kind words on my post. They warmed my heart.

Put me out of my misery people!

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