Sonnet I

She stands there naked underneath the moon
Its light reflects the paleness of her skin
A goddess lost, her marvel came too soon
She searches Magiks buried deep within,
The frightful frigid winds whip and punish
Determination, keeps her steadfast, strong-
Standing tall although she’s gripped by anguish
Anchored by the memoir of his last song.
There-replaying sweet harmonic mem’ries
Awaiting for sweet death to reunite
Child like, helpless praying for her mercies
Deafened by her helpless, hapless plight
One day” she whispers tears stream down her cheek
I’ll curse the ones who say to love is weak”.

English Shakesperian sonnet…written in Iambs…and needs help with flow!

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5 responses to “Sonnet I

  1. i counted and you have lines of 10. good. only a couple word changes and the flow would be perfect. of course i do not attempt sonnets often due to this restriction, but when done right they are beautiful. this is beautiful. i truly love the story. very strong. 🙂

  2. Shit matey, you have read mine, so you know flow is not my main concern, personally though I like it, it flows pretty well to my mind, and has a good mixture of feelings, which flows nicely around the work. Iambs in some cases are subject to opinion, on what a strong syllable is, but I ain’t gonna do any nit picking here, very nice!

Put me out of my misery people!

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