Incognito

I watched you sleeping
under cover of starlight.
You sighed as you searched
for me next to you
but I was gone.
I analysed your breathing
tried to peer into your mind
behind your eyelids,
to reason that somehow
you were dreaming of me.

Turned my back on the site.
Searched for coffee in the dead of night.
See, I laugh to the echo of the walls
you only saw what you wanted to believe
you never saw me, or did you?

Travelling incognito.
My armour never pierced, never downed.
An unholy protective shroud.
Lighting the cigarette and watching
the grey blue smoke waft before me
Killing me softly,
What the hell was I thinking?
Bringing you into this?
The catastrophe of my being.
Suddenly I’m the one who’s fuming
in the kitchen
by the half-light.

No reason for anger,
I’m just a stranger
you’ve lived with for over a year,
God it’s been that long.

Essentially strangers
Occasionally sharing a bed
And the dreams we dream
stay in our heads.

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6 responses to “Incognito

  1. Had a look at this after your shout out on twitter. What’s up with it? Maybe you could change the use of stranger in the last stanza ’cause you’ve used it twice. But you actually stirred some feeling out in your poem which is good. Just say it? ❤

    B
    xxxxxxx

  2. First two lines are excellent in a good beginning… “See, I laugh to the echo of the walls / you only saw what you wanted to believe / you never saw me, or did you?” That’s a great passage. Think that “did you?” part would be a cool way to begin another stanza or to somehow flow into the next one. Seems like the stanza wants to rhyme with the “me” at the end of that line. Second to last line maybe no repetition on dream(s). Line sounds good though. Condense some of your language a bit in the middle upon revision and you have a great poem in progress for sure. Thanks for letting me critique. Hope it helps.

    • So some editing on the middle of the poem? I might revise and re-blog for one stop. I just felt the flow was a little sloppy, but I tend to over analyze instead of enjoying what I read. Thank you Adam, I’m always happy to be critiqued, how else are we to improve?

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